nicole rademacher

Monday, September 1, 2008

A lil bit o solace

This weekend is/was Labor Day weekend, here in the States. I never pay much attention to Labor Day, probably because I can never figure out when it is until it is upon us. So, once again it came as a surprise. All of these open call deadlines due on September 1, and I put them off until Monday September 1. Now, here I am with burned DVDs, filled out application forms, addressed envelopes, and I can't send them. Well, that will teach me!

Friday I got a text message from an old friend, who happens to have grown up near where my parents have a cottage. She was in her hometown and was wondering if I, too was in North Kakolak. Seeing as my parents were already at their cabin, I said that I would drive up on Saturday afternoon and we could catch up on Sunday.

That was my original reason for going up to the mountains. Generally I try to stay away from their cottage for a couple reasons: I hate driving and after living in the middle of nowhere for two years, 'the middle of nowhere' has lost its luster.

Sunday morning at about 9am, this was the fifth time I had woken up since I first set off on my mission to sleep at midnight the night before. I was sleeping on the couch in the living room. My parents had invited two couples with whom they are great friends, which left me without a bedroom or a bed. I don't really mind sleeping on the couch, to be honest. So, on my own I woke up a few times. I was also woken at 5:30am when 'the men' awoke to go fishing; Walleye was in their sights. Therefore, at 9 when I awoke for the 5th time, the women were sleeping and the men were fishing. I got up, even though I have never been known as a morning person, and got myself a cup of coffee. I then slid outside to the swing with my book.

Instead of reading I just sat. The cottage my parents have is very rustic, but still nestled in a subdivision, by no means it is truly in the middle of nowhere. I watched the neighbor mow his lawn and show his son how to find twigs for the fire they would have later that night. I listened to a neighbor lady on the phone with, seemingly, her daughter. Most importantly, I thought. I was reminded of all the mornings I would awake in Barcelona in 2001 and 2002, without a thing to do. I remembered how amazing that was (well, until I truly had absolutely nothing to do and bored and depressed.). During that time I would do a lot of thinking and writing (hence the 'escritos' that you can find dabbled on my blog). This Sunday morning, I just let all of the thoughts flow over me. I lingered with some, and others I let just pass on by.

It has been so long since I have been allowed the luxury of thinking for the sake of thinking. It was been a long time since I have allowed myself this luxury, since I have taken the time to do this. It was inspiration, if only fleeting. Perhaps 30 minutes later my mother had risen and came out to wish me a 'good morning.' I greeted her and asked if there was still coffee left. She said she had put another pot on (I had apparently taken the last cup from pot my father had brewed 4 hours earlier that morning.).

With the memory of these fleeting moments on Sunday and so many of these that I experienced six years prior, I have decided that allowing myself time to think is important to my well-being as a human and an artist. It gives me time to process research and work. It gives me time to process events and ideas. Simply, it just plain gives me time.

The quarter ends in a few weeks. I am going to take almost an entire week and go up to their 'haven', as my mom calls it. I am going to spend the weekend with them (because they go up almost every weekend), and then because I won't have classes to teach I will stay through the week. I will take my own private artist's retreat, some much needed time to organize my thoughts.

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