Last Saturday I went to a march here, in Santiago, in support of stopping the construction of the HydroAysén in Chilean Patagonia. If you don't know what I am talking about I would tell you check out the New York Times, but from what I can tell (way down here) there has been little coverage of it in the States. Instead I'll suggest IPS News; fact there is an article that just came out today.

I took my camera with me, obviously - prepared for the worst. The protests here are usually riddled with destruction ... and tear gas. But surprisingly (and perhaps because so many children attended), it was peaceful (well, that is until night fell and the families left, but still there was less destruction than normal).

Earth Rotations

As many of you know I have been collaborating with a collective photo project since July 2009: Eyes Everywhere // Ojos por todos lados. It was started in January 2007, by Elizabeth Ross (Mexican artist) and Ayanna Jolivet McCloud (American artist); they invited other women artists, spread through out the globe, to participate: to dialogue each week through images. Every week the artists post images from their location. Every month the theme changes. The project has involved artists from Mexico, USA, Spain, Uruguay, Malaysia, Argentina, the Netherlands, Dubai, Austria, Norway and France.
The image here is my post for this week (it's a sneak preview - do you feel lucky?? it will be officially posted on Saturday). The theme this month is "Earth rotations": We normally say that the sun sets up and down. I [Agnes, the artist who proposed the theme for April] say the horizon sets up and down. Can you [the other artists who participate] with your pictures let us see how the earth rotates by the means of simple observations?
What a challenge. The first week I posted a thoughtful, yet rather boring photo. Last week .... um I was a very bad collaborator and I didn't send my image in on time. But this week, this is my image and I think it says a lot about earth rotations, life movements, and how nature affects us.
Obviously in nature itself you can see this evidence (hence the photo), but this photo - or this theme, rather - has led me to delve a bit further and question where this is evident in my own personal work. Small things/events, gesture - considering gesture as a supposedly insignificant thing, or perhaps better stated "unnoticed". My research is about the unnoticed, but nevertheless perceived/received.
Gosh, I don't know if I really have a point, but I wanted to share this - this week's EYES photo and my thoughts about my image, with you. Maybe this logic only makes sense to me ...
I hope that you can take some time to think about the unnoticed changes that you have experienced recently - or long ago.

Just a lil update.

Well, August is almost over and I feel like it just started. I have been super busy, so I thought I would take some time to catch you up and share some thoughts (this one is kinda long, so go get a warm-up on your coffee).

Since my return to Santiago I have been in contact with BLOC/Tutorías de Arte, which is an artists' space and educational residency - a really new thing here in Santiago. I would write more, but I am writing an article about them for I Love Chile (another new connection), an all English news and media source, and I want to save all the juicy details for my article (of course I am supposed to be finishing that up right now - perhaps I am using the blog post to get the juices flowing ... or to procrastinate - what would you wager?). The artists at BLOC have been really fantastic in talking with me and also in sharing their space with me. On the 15th I did a workshop there. It wasn't a personal workshop, it was part of my collaboration with AREA Chicago on their project Notes for a People's Atlas (the link is to the Chicago version).

The project is simple: AREA Chicago furnishes blank maps, basic outlines, of the city and the inhabitants fill it in. What can they fill it with? Anything. The idea is to get the people to make their city their own, to say that what is important to them (restaurants, places they walk their dog, sites of demonstrations, public sculpture...) are important for everyone to know - and then share those experiences, histories, and stories. When confronted with the blank map, most people just starred and asked for examples. This was great because we could show other maps that had been done - already starting to show other people's experiences of the city. Between the workshop at BLOC and smaller workshops done by volunteers with VE-global (a Santiago-based American NGO who I have been in contact with since April), about thirty maps, so far, have been made for Notes for a People's Atlas of Santiago, aka Notas para un Atlas por la Gente de Santiago. We should make more, Santiago !!! Thanks again, BLOC.


BLOC has also been a bit inspiring. They (and Die Ecke Gallery) hosted three Australian artists and one Aussie curator for 2 weeks. The ladies came to make work for an exhibition: Risk Potential - and then, of course, to have the exhibition; and they also presented their work (both past work and the work they made specifically for the show) last Monday at BLOC. It was a very thoughtful talk. The artists brought us through their process, allowing us to see the visualization of their thoughts, how they negotiate parameters and form for their work, and the place of "drawing" in their work. I have been trying to figure out exactly why I post these images from Fotolandia. Bridie Lunney, one of the invited artists, showed some photos as sketches - instead of the drawings and/or mark making that the other two artists shared. Now, I know I use video as a form of sketching, but I had never been aware that I too use photography as a form of sketching. I know, seems obvious, right? I guess sometimes you can be blinded by concentration of your own process. So, this talk was a big "Ah Ha!" moment for me, which are always delightful. But again, like I said above, I don't want to give too much away because this is all supposed to be a part of that article ...

I Love Chile. The media hub. I came upon it quite randomly - chatting with a former colleague on gmail. He had met the owner in a bar (one of those gringo bars that I don't ever go to because I am scared of my gringo-ness), and he was looking for contributors. At the time when I was chatting with my friend, I was looking for interesting things to do (that earn money, though I currently write pro bono). So I contacted him and met him the following day. He said that what he wants are people that are "excited about writing". That's me! I want to make some of the not-so-apparent things of Santiago to be a bit more inviting to us Anglophones. So I am going to write about all things artsy. Of course, like most of my projects, I start out with really great hopes, then I loose steam, only to find the momentum again, but at normal speed. That's where I am now: normal speed. I have only written one article (tragic, really) so far, but if I can crank out this one about BLOC - that will be two! And this week there should be lots of openings ...

Additionally, I have been weeding through the footage and photos from the bi-cultural project (we really need to find, if even, a working-title for this thing). I knew that we didn't have much - which has to do with the ambitiousness of the project and the time constraints for such an ambitious project. In other words, it was bad planning on our part, but that doesn't matter since it wasn't obligatory to finish the project during the residency. We have several hours of footage, but it really wasn't until the last meeting - maybe the second to last - where we got mostly usable footage. It all has to deal with building rapport, right? I really have to commend our participants for letting us into their personal lives. Now that I am watching the footage, even from the first meeting, it is very personal and intimate. I am excited about what the final product may be, but I do see that as being some time away.

More? Really? Yep. The video sketch below (that I posted the other day) is tied to an old project, one that I started a very long time ago, one that is very personal. It has taken some time for me to be more objective with the work/topic, so that I can make work rather than (just) therapy. Personal themes in my work come and go. Of course it is always personal, but not always directly related to personal events. Some of my first self-portraits were this: personal, self-reflective, raw. (Next time I'm back in Charlotte I will have to scan those and add them to the still in-process archive.) While these self-portraits were not about these events for the new piece (yes, I am being deliberately vague), there are ties. I wanted the same "raw-ness", but I don't want the work to be self-reflective. Instead I am looking to find points in the "story" that have a universal relationship, that while you may never have experienced these same specific events, you can relate them to your own personal events - empathy, basically. Perhaps that is what I am always looking for with my work, or what we are all looking for... Anyhow, I am once again tackling this project (I have a feeling that it will be a body of work rather than one or two pieces) - wish me luck! I'm looking at some of Sadie Benning's diary work, any other suggestions?

There is more going on, but that should tide you over for now. and yes, I promise to send a link to the article about BLOC and once I get a blog (for documentation) of Notas, I will also send a link.

Lines n Spaces

The Video Ed It Or ... what?

I started the way I had started my most recent videos. Of course since my most recent videos are experimental documentaries where I look for and thus carve out the narrative and/or "experience" (can I be so bold as to use that word?), it didn't quite work out so well.

So I reorganized. Remembering a time when each cut needed to be planned. I did what I had done so many times before: logged each shot, making markers and then planning the edit. That got the job done - and pretty much only that. I soon realized that none of my "education" (I seem to be really unto using quotes lately) was going to help me. Experience was going to help me, but that was indeed what I lacked.

Often I think that given my age (32) I should be much more accomplished than I am, that my experience should be greater than my learning. And in many ways it is, but not for structured, narrative, cinema editing.

I keep struggling with trying to find the correct word for the difference between what my experience is and the experience that I am lacking. A word that specifically and perfectly describes it. What am I lacking? commercial style? cinema style? structured? Structured isn't it, because I have done structured work before (I know, many of you who went to school with me, or have had a look at my sketchbooks probably have very large question marks over your heads - structured? Nicole?), not too often, I have to admit - I am having a hard time coming up with LOTS of examples. Maybe the difference is that in my personal projects I never really envision the end product? - No, that's not it - because the rough cut we have now looks nothing like the rough cut we had before (the rough cut where I drew footage maps, cut, and combined). I don't really know what the difference is, but there definitely is one.

Maybe someone can help me figure out what difference is ... Anyhow. In the meantime, check out the preliminary maps and subsequent notes thus far.












OH WAIT! I almost forgot the moral of the post: never think too far ahead.

3:34 am

I never really imagined what an earthquake was like. In fact, it took me a while to figure out exactly what was going on, with the blue glow of the moon through the bedroom windows, watching my house dance as if we were on a boat during a storm.

Mati was telling me - put on some shoes - get dressed - go outside. With no lights it was hard to find clothes and shoes. I ended up with a dress on over my pj's and Mati found a pair of my shoes for me.
I took the dog and just stood there on the sidewalk trembling, and kinda cold too. I watched as people popped out of their houses. The older lady next door stood on her doorstep smoking a cigarette. Eventually Mati found the flashlight and had surveyed the - lack of - damage in the house and joined me outside.
Sitting there I noticed the layer of dust, from the ground to above the roofs.

I immediately went inside to grab the cameras.

I never got a picture of the dust because I was too busy trying to document the fallen and sprawled things in the house.

Around 6am we fell back asleep. I remember asking Matías what magnitude he thought that was, he said 6. A friend called at 10am. That was when we found out it was an 8 or greater. We immediately got up and turned on the news.

As cliché as it is, the terremoto (earthquake in Spanish, just the sound of the word is fitting) has made me realize the more important things in life.

And seeing as we have now returned to life as it was before (minus a few glasses), I can't help but feel guilty (perhaps that isn't the right word to describe the emotion): this has been quite devastating for so many people, even here in Santiago, and we walk away with barely a scratch.

We watch the news the same as my friends and family in other countries; we gape at the horrible devastation. In the afternoon when we take our dog to the park, we walk by piles of rubble on the sidewalk next to buildings that look like nothing has happened, but the piles of bricks and plaster had to come from somewhere. I fail to understand the hardship of so many of the people around me. And that really bothers me.

We have turned off the news (that runs almost 24/7). Are we shutting it out? Going back to our lives trying not to think about those around us? No. It's the news. The images have been fearful and quite sensationalist. Letters by TV executives have been written to the newsrooms deploring them for their coverage over the last week. There was one (actually two shown successively) of a foot and then of a hand, both being torn from the destruction, both from bodies that have since lost their breath. These images put me between crying and vomiting.

The favorite word of newscasters and TV commentators has been "dantesca" (horrific, shocking, gruesome). While the journalist is interviewing people gathering water from the nearby lake in Concepción, because they have no running water - water that they have to boil and then add a few drops of bleach before they can consume it - tells them that this situation is terrible. These journalists are completely irresponsible! Firstly, the public knows that the situation is horrific, that is clear by the un-edited images that are shown. Secondly, the people living through the "dantesca" events know that this is terrible. Your responsibility as a journalist is not to tell them that or sensationalize it to the public more - placing more fear upon the events. Your responsibility is to observe, report, and document - objectively.

Ok. I have gotten off of my high horse. My next post will be about the trials and tribulations of editing a short film - or perhaps something else, but art related, I promise.

By the way, this epidemic of sensationalism in journalism is not Chilean.

The Process of Padding Video

First, thinking back to that summer semester corset-making class in 2003, I lined up all my pieces, and then I went to town and stuffed the section. But, um, to my surprise I made a pillow instead of a section of a cozy.... ah the trials and tribulations that Nicole has making 3-dimensional objects (let us not forget that she is an architecture school drop-out).

No worries. I figured it out, and below is about half of it. Yes, I realize that I started it last week, and, really, I should be done, but I got an invite to go to the beach for the week and enjoy a bit of this thing called summer. So I put all on hold and jumped on the first bus out there!











Documentation and thoughts about impulsive beach trip to come.

Zapatos. cortemetraje por Matías Muñoz Rodriguez

My house has been turned into a production studio.
only for a few weeks.

Now you can actually flip through them!!

Yipeeeeee!

I published my books on issuu.com andit gives you this fancy-schmancy flash movie to embed everywhere!!!

Watch out everyone!! I just might start producing my own online magazine! - ooh what a great idea! what should it be about?

Ok. Longing & Distance: through gesture:




and Milwaukee after coming to Milwaukee from California:



or alternatively you could view the pages on my website: Longing and Milwaukee

Well, it is all pretty fancy, if you ask me.

Just a lil' revamp

As you can tell from the face-lift on this-here blog, I did a lil' revamp to the design of my website. Nothing drastic, just updating the design a bit, since it was a year old.

It is, of course, much cleaner, and the lines make more sense.

Let me know if you have any thoughts!!!

www.nicolerademacher.com

un artículo ....

Invitada por el Departamento de Artes Visuales:

Artista estadounidense dicta charla en Sala Adolfo Couve

Este martes 3 de noviembre, a las 11:00 hrs., Nicole Rademacher dictará la charla "Activado por la percepción" en la Sala Adolfo Couve de la Facultad de Artes.

"Cuando abordo una obra, nunca sé en qué medio voy a trabajar", dice Nicole Rademacher sobre su metodología de trabajo.

Enlaces relacionados Sitio web de Nicole Rademacher

"Activado por la percepción" es el nombre de la charla que Nicole Rademacher, artista estadounidense que desarrolla obras con nuevas tecnologías, dictará en la Sala Adolfo Couve de la sede Las Encinas de la Facultad de Artes. La actividad se realizará este 3 de noviembre, a las 11:00 horas, con entrada liberada.

"Últimamente, y también en las obras que voy a presentar, mi interés está en la intersección de la percepción con la comunicación. Es decir, en cómo la comunicación -en el caso de mi trabajo, el gesto- es percibida. De esta manera, abordo la comunicación ubicada en el gesto", explica la artista estadounidense Nicole Rademacher, Licenciada en Bellas Artes de la School of the Art Institute of Chicago y Máster en Artes Electrónicos Integrados del New York State College of Ceramics (NYSCC) de la Alfred University.

Será ella quien este martes 3 de noviembre, a las 11:00 horas, dictará la charla "Activado por la percepción" en la Sala Adolfo Couve de la Facultad de Artes. Invitada por el Departamento de Artes Visuales de la Universidad de Chile, la artista estadounidense presentará y hablará sobre algunos de sus trabajos y sus relaciones con la percepción. "La idea era armar una charla donde pudiese presentar mi trabajo ante los estudiantes. Tengo muchas ganas de trabajar con los alumnos, pues en mi país trabajé con estudiantes en dos universidades y me faltaba ese tipo de interacción en Chile", dice.

Esta mujer, que reside hace poco menos de un año en nuestro país, comenzó a trabajar con nuevas tecnologías a partir de su desplazamiento desde la fotografía, transición que, según cuenta, "fue muy orgánica". Y agrega respecto a su metodología de trabajo: "Todo es una parte del proceso. Cuando abordo una obra, nunca sé en qué medio voy a trabajar. Son las ideas las que me propulsan hacia una técnica u otra, y había momentos, en obras previas, en los que las ideas necesitaban algo distinto; éstas me llevaron a buscar otras maneras para realizarlas, manifestarlas, desarrollarlas".

Sobre el título de su charla, Nicole Rademacher explica que lo vio "como una oportunidad para reflexionar y resumir mis ideas para la charla. Entonces, vi que el ímpetu de estas obras era simplemente mi interés en la percepción. Entiendo que está mal dicho, pero al final del proceso, tratando de traducirlo bien, sin perder algo, decidí que soy gringa, por lo tanto, está bien tener un título un poco mal dicho. Además, eso es uno de mis intereses de la comunicación-mal comunicación, que no es posible traducir todo perfectamente y ni siquiera entender perfectamente (eso me encanta). Por lo demás, sólo es un título, lo más importante es el contenido de la charla".

La charla "Activado por la percepción" se realizará, con entrada liberada, este próximo martes 3 de noviembre, a las 11:00 hora, en la Sala Adolfo Couve de la Facultad de Artes (Las Encinas 3370, Ñuñoa). Sobre las expectativas de esta actividad, Nicole Rademacher concluye: "Espero que algo de lo que diga o muestre pueda desencadenar algo en los estudiantes, relacionado con sus trabajos y/o estudios en general".

Texto: Isis Díaz López/ Periodista Facultad de Artes

a Chilean September 11th

We were on our way to a barbecue, to commemorate the day that the Pinochet took power in 1973 and many people went missing, were killed, tortured ... The idea of this happening is foreign to me. The smiles and lollipops land warns of terrorism and "fights" it abroad so that it will never reach our soil. It is so removed from my consciousness.


So the bus we took passed by Estadio Nacional: one of the torture camps run by the dictatorship. The stadium is still used today for soccer games. To me, I thought that was horrible - the American that I am who must sensationalize everything, but the Chileans explained it as "moving on", not allowing the past to dictate what we do in the present. Anyhow, we were passing the stadium and the bus stopped and I said, This is what September 11th is - as we watched the vigil. Do you want to get off?, Mati asked me. We jumped out of our seats and out the door.

New on VideoChannel: One Minute Film Collection (OMFC)

VideoChannel - video project environments - is happy to launch on 3 August 2009 another highlight online.

OMFC (One Minute Film Collection) is an ongoing project initiative chief curated
by Wilfried Agricola de Cologne featuring at its start
67 films and videos with a duration of exactly one minute.

There are several thematic sections. Here is where "the Delay" is found:

A Matter of Time (rather appropriate grouping for it, don't ya think?)

Johanna Reich (Germany), Anders Weberg (SWE), Ron Diorio (USA),
Bill Domonkos (USA), Xenia Vargova (Bulgaria), Alison Williams (SA)
Walter Van Rijn (UK), Nicole Rademacher (USA)
Baptist Coelho (India), Milica Rakic (Serbia)

Final Program for Macau

Exhibition: Human Emotion Project (HEP)
Venue: AFA @ Portuguese Bookshop Gallery
Date: August 8 to September 5
Hours: 11AM to 7PM
Media: Video
Curator: José Drummond

Video is one of the most prolific visual mediums in use today. The Human Emotion Project (HEP) Macau selection links together more than 40 voices from all over the world. Presented in 4 weeks, each with a different program exploring different topics.
“Paradox”, “Loss & Desire”, “Transformation” and “Fantasy” are the chosen topics for understanding video art, its own multiplicity and the reunion around the imaginative subject of The Human Emotion Project (HEP).

Paradox – August 8 to August 14
The artists in “Paradox” investigate the contradictions between documentary and performance, fact and fiction, order & chaos. What is real and what is staged? The absurdity of real life, the ambiguity of movement and the enigma of space are some of the perceptions raised in “Paradox”.

Dave Swensen Until Death Parts Us 01:23 - USA
Nicole Rademacher Walk With Me 01:16 - USA
Khairy Hirzalla Looking for 01:54 - Jordan
Hakan Akcura Catharsis 05:25 - Turkey/Sweden
Larry Caveney Arm Wresting Intervention 08:51 - USA
Kim Miller Thanx for Meeting Me Here 03:11 - USA
Vienne Chan Nightdance 05:53 - HK/Canada
Basmati Corpus Tracks 05:17 - Italy
Irina Gabiani Samaia or Triamzikamno 06:26 - Luxembourg
Xenia Vargova Tutu 03:10 - Bulgaria
Ng Fong Chao Redemption 10:55 - Macau

Loss & Desire - August 15 to August 21
“Loss & Desire” explores the ambiguity of misplaced feelings from the philosophical aspect to the emotional. The strong deficit of engagement, the desire for connection and the interior struggle for clarity are permanent in each work.

Gaia Bartolini Unseen Dialogue 07:21 - Italy
Daniel Chavez Self Examination – I Am Nothing 02:38 - USA
Wilfried Agricola de Cologne Silent Cry 03:05 - Germany
Richard Jochum Mama 01:34 - USA
Alison Williams Cage-panic 01:46 - RSA
José Drummond The Skeptic 02:13 - Macau
Debbie Douez Two in One 03:18 - Spain
Manfred Marburger Proud 02:15 - UK
Gili Avissar Self portrait-Dead artist 00:34 - Israel
Jose Drummond The Illusionist 01:58 - Macau
Masha Yozefpolsky Deep Freeze - Israel
Bianca Lei Won Ton noodles, I love …… IT ! 13:00 - Macau

Transformation - August 22 to August 28
The power of “Transformation” is a vibrant and integral part of our lives. The mystery of life changing, the spirituality of isolated gestures and sounds and the manipulation of these elements compose a space of reflection and intimacy.

Amina Bech Tranquility Inverted 03:40 - Norway
Bill Millett The Book 06:46 - UK
Anders Weberg Undisclosed beauty 03:13 - Sweden
Glenn Church Fragility 05:33 - UK
Alison Williams/Anders Weberg Mirror mirror 02:30 – RSA/Sweden
Christy Walsh Isolation 03:28 - USA
Alberto Guerreiro Transcendent 04:30 - Portugal
Alicia Felberbaum There and Back 02:47 - UK
Sue Pam-grant Portrait 03:26 - RSA
Danny Germansen Alienation & loneliness 01:59 - Denmark
Alice Kok The Duet 03:21 - Macau

Fantasy - August 29 to September 4
“Fantasy” draws inspiration from the apparent fascination of lively graphic imagery. The looping of the modern era, the provocation of literature, the encounter with the fantastical and the employment of technology contribute to the process making of these visual stories.

Adamo Macri OOC 05:51 - Canada
Ebert Brothers Bluescape 02:57 - Germany
Verena Stenke/Andrea Pagnes Crossing 02:44 - Italy
Robertina Sebjanic Bubble 06:02 - Slovenia
Niclas Hallberg The Crying Man 01:23 - Sweden
Michael Chang Concerto Azzurro 06:10 - Denmark
Paolo Bonfiglio Mater 07:20 - Italy
João Ricardo Scarleet 07:04 - Portugal
Cindy Ng Walking 09:25 - China

What the rain brought

The past week has been dreary, rainy, gray, and cold.
Starting Friday night and not letting up until late Saturday evening we had an utter downpour.
But after the rain, the smog cleared and the view was magnificent, spectacular, and, yes, breath-taking.



The city was quiet (ok, fine, it was a holiday anyway). I think I saw smiles on people's faces - even though I suspect that the Chileans barely notice their fantastic physical location (this is backed-up by an experience the last time the rain cleared the smog: ¡Mira la vista! I said. ¡Tan bonita! ¡Impresionante! my chilean friend's response was, ¿Qué?)

New Media

I think this one speaks for itself:









or maybe you can't see all the digital cameras ------------------------>

re-new 2009

It opens tomorrow (or later on today, if you are in Europe)!!

Interruptions (2007) and Walk with me (2007) will both be screened on the Monolith: a 6.72 meters wide, 11.69 meters high, and 1.50 meters deep video screen made from 10mm SMD LED video tiles with an embedded, hi-powered d&b PA system.
It all looks pretty sweet!

I am very excited to be included in the festival. Below is a list of the other artist who have work that will be screened on the Monolith as well:

Paulo Barros, Giulia Berto, Bruno Bresani, Vienne Chan, Marina Chernikowa, Giada Ghiringhelli, Tilman Küntzel, Hye Yeon Nam, Murat Onol, Alex Potts, Nicole Rademacher, Elizabeth Riley, Michele Santini, Raoul Simpson, Marcel Wierckx, Mattias Wright, Eija-Liisa Ahtila, Salla Tykkä, Marita Liulia, Fanni Niemi-Junkola, Anders Weberg, Andreas Bertilsson, Eva Olsson, Gustaf Broms, Mai Hofstad Gunnes, Endre Tveitan, Auður Jónsdóttir, Sigurdur Gudjonsson, Magnús Árnason, Patrik Svensson, Jorgen Skogmo, Simon Løvind.

Au revoir

I had to say good-bye to piece of metal that had resided in my mouth since December 31st 2004.

It took him three sessions to kill all the nerve, to scrape it all out. By the end of it the right side of my face was tender, sore, and not happy. The last session took place on New Year's Eve. I went to a réveillon that night, being that I was in France, and could only give half of my usual kisses, as my right side was too tender to share the New Year's love with the traditional 4 kisses allotted in Nantes.

Eventually it healed. But I always had this metallic taste in my mouth.

About a year later I went to the dentist again (this time in Spain) because, as I learned, I was grinding my teeth during my sleep. She took some x-rays. Her, not so positive, comment about the work of this particular root canal was, "no está mal" (it's not bad). The stress was placed on "mal" as if to say that it was close to "bad" but not quite there, perhaps if I [I'm talking as if I am my dentist] inspected it more I could use the word "bad" but, for the moment, I will stay with the thought that it is not "mal", but perhaps could be - how 'bout I just don't look at it any more then we don't have to find out if it is "mal" or not?? Yeah, let's do that!

Later I returned to the States. Dental care wasn't included in my student health plan, but my mother found a dental "plan" for me. So, I paid some hundred and fifty dollars or so - just in case. A sunny yet bitterly cold Friday in February of 2007, I went to the Foundations class I was TA for even though I hadn't gotten much sleep because I was awoken at 2am, or so, with a horrible toothache and couldn't get back to sleep. By noon I had taken more than the recommended amount of Ibuprofen that an adult should take in a 24-hour period. I went to health services and they gave me a list of dentists in the area - none of whom would accept my dental "plan". I found one 35 minutes away (by car) that could see me in a few hours.

After some prodding and an x-ray I was told that I would need a root-canal (for the tooth next to my expensive metallic French accessory - that was the trouble-causer this time). I have to admit, it was emotional: I had instant memories of the three excruciating sessions I had endured at the end of 2004 with its neighbor. Using some muscle relaxation techniques, I finally calmed down and called my mother to lend me the thousand dollars to pay for the procedure.

It was simple and not even really painful, uncomfortable, but not painful. They used a dental damn and hence I slobbered all over myself. Needless to say, crying and slobbering in front of complete strangers is a humbling experience.

But, the dentist mentioned the French neighbor. He couldn't be certain, but there seemed to be either a shadow or an infection on the French gum line. There seemed to be missing bone. Missing bone? But he wasn't sure if it was an infection or a shadow?? That sounded fishy. He said the only way to find out would be to cut off the crown and have a look. Hmmmm. Another thousand dollars (or more) to see if there was something wrong was not in my budget. Funny enough in January of 2008 the crown popped off while in Chile (on vacation). I inspected it - no infection that I could see!! I went to a "drive-thru dentist" and got the crown re-cemented on.

Full-time jobs come with benefits, and sometimes those benefits include dental coverage. In November of 2008 I went to get my teeth cleaned (that was the only thing on my agenda for that visit). While spending a long time chipping away at plaque, the dental hygienist thought there might be something funny with that number trente; so, an x-ray was taken. A similar fickle diagnosis was given. This dentist wanted to monitor it. Unfortunately I had to tell him that I was moving out of the country in two months. I got a copy of the x-ray and went abroad.

Mid-March, while eating a chocolate breakfast bar (not for breakfast), I felt something small and hard in my mouth. It was conspicuous because these particular breakfast bars didn't have hard and crunchies. I skillfully sifted through the food with my tongue and fished out the culprit: a small piece of tooth colored porcelain. I looked in the mirror and I could see that part of my "half porcelain/half metal" French accessory was missing some porcelain. Curious as it was, I wasn't too concerned. I decided that this would have to wait until my new dental benefits kicked in (May). I just brushed, flossed, and swished with Listerine more often.

But after a few weeks I just couldn't knock that newly strong metallic taste in my mouth. I got concerned. I decided to go to a dentist. Of course I forgot to bring the copies I had made of my x-rays, so new ones were taken. "Está tan claro como agua" (It is crystal clear), my new Chilean dentist said (yes, this is the fourth country that has dealt with this tooth or its neighbor, who I think only had a problem because of the shotty job that was done with Trente): the post that was put in penetrated the tooth into the gum and has been eating away at the bone. He saw that directly from the x-ray. I have had 3 x-rays of that thing since the horrific and terrifying experience of late 2004.

That's besides the point. So, we talk about my options: cut off the French accessory, clean out the problem, replace the post, mend the hole, get a new ALL PORCELAIN crown - yeah, there was only one option: do it. Luckily he is a friend of a friend so I only paid about half of what it would really cost, but nonetheless it is still an enormous amount to pay at one go. I paid it. At least this time I didn't have to do any muscle relaxation techniques or call my mother.

The procedure is taking longer than I expected. He gets out a small blow torch. He seems to be rushing a bit. I felt pain. He gave me another shot of Novocaine directly into the tooth bed. Turns out the implicated post that penetrated into my gum was made of Mercury. So, there was more blood than expected and a nerve had been pinched, which is what caused my pain. All in all, the French job was more botched than expected.

Since the repairs have been made, I have had a temporary crown that, of course, split in two the second day. Don't worry, I got that replaced. Now I am waiting for my perfect, purty porcelain crown to arrive.

No more metal for me.
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Connections

There are two worlds (well, really there are many, but it is easier to focus on two at a time). They are supposed to be the opposite of one another, to create the friction. They are supposed to contradict one another, to build the plot. And they do. They always do. But it seems to me that it may be more interesting if you looked at the intersections, at their similarities.


I can't quite work out how they fit together, but I know that they do; I can feel it, like when you can feel mucus drip down your nose when you are in the middle of an important meeting. What do you do? Stop talking and search for a tissue? Sniff? Keep going? Either way you know it is there. nagging. always nagging.



Usually I just start digging through my purse while I am talking. Nose drip is too important to ignore.
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Santiaguino Contradictions (one of many to come)

Looks kinda like a collage, doesn't it?